It is now day four of this slightly medicated journal, and honestly, I think I’m slowly becoming used to how I operate while under the influence. I woke up on time today, took my medicine before heading off to work this morning, had a small breakfast in the car, and experienced one of the drug’s common side effects throughout the day. I have had cotton mouth all day, which is a little annoying, but it forced me to drink a lot of water which honestly makes it not the worst side effect a drug could give me. Slowly but surely, I am finding my rhythm while medicated. Once I get into the habit of taking it before working, I will start to see changes to how I approach making progress towards evolving professionally.
My personal goal is to get paid to write. Like most writers, when they first start, I want to make a living off writing what I want to write. Thanks to my teachers back in University, and my personal friends and mentors, I learned that I should probably curb my enthusiasm quite a bit. I will need to establish myself and garner an audience that enjoys my style by writing for someone else first. Maybe at the very least improve upon my writing by working for a company that will present me with opportunities to expand upon my knowledge of writing and storytelling. It is possible for me to write something and immediately find my target audience, but that is a rare occurrence and not something that I should expect right out the gate. Unless, of course, I can become TikTok-Booktok famous/known and showcase my writing there. That requires me to get over being camera shy, but I say one challenge at a time.
I’ve learned a few skills throughout my life, and theater and acting have been my most influential teachers. One thing that acting taught me was how to handle rejection. I’ve auditioned for shows I didn’t get into or was offered a part I didn’t necessarily want, but that enabled me to grow. I realized that there is more that I can improve upon if I want to work in the shows I like and perform in the roles I want. That ability to take rejection and turn it into constructive criticism for myself, is in my opinion, an invaluable skill that I am proud to have learned. I will write many stories, and I know that a lot of them might be rejected outright or maybe even sent back with notes of improvement. If anyone gives my stories back with notes, I will be eternally grateful because what that means is that they read my story and believe that it can be a great story.
I am looking forward to putting myself out there as a writer. I have several paths I could take to make my dream a reality. The road I am most excited to travel down is writing stories that publishers send back and receiving feedback. When I was acting, and if after rehearsals, the director gave notes to other people and not me, I felt terrible or more along the lines of feeling invisible. In my mind, if a director didn’t give me notes, that means that I either didn’t stand out when I made a mistake, or it wasn’t worth fixing me because no one would notice me on stage regardless. I know that was not the intention any of my past directors had, but that is how I felt. So, I can’t wait to be critiqued and advised on my writing.
It’s only been four days since I’ve started taking this medication. I still cannot believe that the way my mind is working now will be my new natural self. How I am far less distracted by random floating thoughts and instead can focus on the task at hand is an incredible feeling. By my understanding, I am enthusiastically looking forward to the next day and how I will function like a normal human being. I can pursue a career instead of a fleeting idea or doomed to fail hobby. I was a writer before the medication but could not find the mental fortitude to go after it. Now I am a writer who believes he is a writer and has the drive to show everyone else who he always wanted to be.
There is always something new to learn, and although I have my degree in writing. With the new and improved brain in my head, I want to relearn everything. I’ve always loved to learn, and I want to learn even more now.
