How do you deal with your insecurities? I’m still unsure about how to go about my own. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve dealt with eczema and psoriasis. For those who don’t know, I have sensitive skin that can break out into a rash and is incredibly itchy, in layman’s terms. There is much more to these conditions, but this isn’t a medical journal; it’s just me tackling my insecurities. These conditions are incredibly annoying when they present themselves in places that are hard to hide, such as around my face or hands. So, when it comes to dealing with them, I ask myself should I acknowledge it and face it head-on? Or, do I hide it until it dies down?
I’m not the best-looking individual, nor do I believe myself to be completely unattractive, but I think my skin is an uncomfortable sight for myself and those around me. Almost everyone I know is kind enough not to point it out and never show themselves to be bothered by it. I can’t help but be grateful about it, but most people around me aren’t those whose attention I am trying to garner. I know it’s slightly pathetic and a little pessimistic, but no matter how hard I try to avoid it, I keep having thoughts about how many people have turned away from me because of how I look.
How can someone deal with insecurity that has no cure? One stressful day at work, and my skin will flare up, and I have to deal with trying not to scratch myself and make it worse, which stresses me out even more. I have heard advice and mental tips from people who have just as bad if not worse conditions than I do, and yet I can’t let go of how much my skin bothers the heck out of me.
I am trying to do everything I can to try and keep it from getting worse. But, the only real solution I can think of is to make a living without having to be in public. I don’t want my problems to be such a huge reason to become a writer, but it helps keep me on track by giving me a way to stay home so no one has to see me in real life. I gained a hat collection because I want to keep my head covered whenever I go out, so no one has to see the scars my rashes leave me with.
I’m blowing all of this a little out of proportion. Over the past few months, my symptoms have subsided quite a bit. Enough that I can go outside without a hat some days because it’s not as bad as it used to be. But, sadly, I know it’s only a matter of time until something happens. Either I get sick, and my body starts attacking itself again, or stress causes another flare-up. All this makes me dread working retail, especially with the holidays coming up.
This post will not end positively like most of my entries because I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. For the last 30+ years, I have not once found an answer for handling this specific insecurity. I’m honestly a little afraid that this will affect future relationships, that I might develop an inferiority complex or become quickly and overly jealous of someone else. No one wants to be a bad person and make RASH (ha, pun) decisions, but when your insecurities are constantly and literally in your face all the time, it’s hard to have positive thoughts about yourself.
But, I’m trying, you guys, I really am. I’m trying not to hate myself, but I constantly hate my skin. I try not to think harmful thoughts, but they keep finding a way into my head and slowly into my heart. I’m having a rough day folks, and I know this day will end, but for now, for right now, I wish that this moment never happened and that tomorrow was already here.
